Monday, January 19, 2009

If Jean-Luc Godard Directed Garfield the Cat

Earlier today, a friend commented that my blog had, after only one month's worth of existence, become blurred and neglectful of my original objective of uploading all of my animation and live action treatments onto this site. Her evaluation has some merit, since only one example exists online to read. My posts tend to ramble and stumble around from one subject matter to another, much like the two bad ants in Chris Van Allsburg's children's book; but I have been told I have a winning smile.

She says I can't focus on one thing at a time. She's a doctor, and trained, as far as I know, not to operate on two patients at once; she has a different perspective about how many plates can be spun at any one time. Plate spinning reminds me of the Ed Sullivan Show. Could this be worth a post?

I'm not doing much at the moment except watching some Smothers Brothers retrospective, downloading Buddy Holly onto my iPod, microwaving dinner, listening to my neighbors explore new meanings for the word "evolution," doing laundry, vacuuming, and dusting. I only do vacuuming and dusting at this time of the evening when I need to find clean dishes and silverware, so that really doesn't count as an activity. I hate eating with my fingers, especially since tonight's meal doesn't look Moroccan. I don't know where I placed my cell phone earlier today. I wonder if the doctor is still on hold.

I was going to upload another idea tonight, but I love little kitten videos -- especially clever ones. I'm glad I discovered Henri. This could be the only chance I get to learn French in 2009, since I can no longer afford the services of either French maids or their outfits.

If the Jean-Luc Godard reference in the post title is a mystery, then I suppose I should save my Jean Cocteau joke for later. I don't think I ramble at all.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Atul Rao's Channel Runs on Animation Voltage

Atul Rao, a Canadian animator and friend, recently posted his latest piece of wacky animation online and, as usual, it's pretty funny. This guy is so prolific that he has his own channel. Not even David Sarnoff programmed every time period on NBC, and he ran that joint for 50 years.

I've liked cutout and collage animation since I first noticed it while watching Monty Python's Flying Circus. I've worked in cutout collage for years. Just today, I placed all of my store coupons in a neat little pile at the checkout counter in a very provocative fashion.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

47 Years, 2 Months, 18 Days After the OK Corral Gunfight

On October 26, 1881 the most famous gunfight in all of American history occurred. 47 years, 2 months, 18 days later Wyatt Earp put his six guns down forever, cinched up Old Paint and rode off to join brothers Virgil, Morgan, and James at that big cat-house in the sky. I’m watching My Darling Clementine for the umpteenth time when I realize that I had forgotten to post by three days the 80th anniversary of the death of Wyatt himself.

Why would I remember that Wyatt Earp died here in Los Angeles on January 13, 1929? Beats me but any more questions as to why and I go for my pig irons! The knowledge of this fact haunts me; yet, is it worth any more sessions of hypnotic regression to discover the reason? I’m still trying to resolve why everyone in high school gave me the wrong date for our prom.

My Darling Clementine is not my favorite John Ford western. I much prefer The Searchers and The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance. Darling is chock full of historical nonsense and downright idiocy about the Earp boys. Brother James did not die at the hands of the Clantons as portrayed early in the film; he died an old man several years before Wyatt. Linda Darnell, singing up tempo pop ditties to Victor Mature's, coughing and wheezing Doc Holiday irks me even more. When I lecture today's students, I warn them never to confuse what they see on the big screen with what real library scholarship will uncover. Never, for instance use rustler dialogue as primary source material for college term papers. Professors will horsewhip your grade point average and friends and acquaintances will hide their prize cattle from you.

The calendar calculations took longer than I thought. I was comforted during this arduous process by the same sort of medicinal tonic that the Earp Brothers and Doc Holiday fortified themselves with before heading down those streets of Tombstone. It wasn’t sasparilla.

For a truer history of the Earps, Doc Holiday, the Clantons, and the rest of the varmints of Tombstone , check out Casey Tefertiller's book, "Wyatt Earp: The Life Behind the Legend."

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Manning the Barricades One Last Time


Does this man not deserve his own Wikipedia entry?

Ever since I first discovered the tubes and piping called the Internets, and with it the invention of Wikipedia, I’ve waited for someone with knowledge of the man to write up an entry for Harvey Goldberg. Is it important to recognize him in this fashion more than two decades after his death? I think so, otherwise why would I bring it up?

Could the oversight be due to the paucity of his published materials? Certainly his politics would not have precluded an entry, nor would the intellectual quality of his lectures. Isn't there one hero worshipper out there who knows enough about the man to write an article? Other immortals from my days as a history student at the University of Wisconsin have their free encyclopedia links: the forever provocative William Appleman Williams, the Arthurian legend George Mosse, and the American icon Merle Curti. So why not Harvey?

Countless other UW-Madison professors are listed amongst the millions of Wikipedia entries, but I sat in on classes with these four. Recurring 60s flashbacks allow for only so many memories about that time on campus. I have been told I did not take any courses with Frederick Jackson Turner.

I entered the University of Wisconsin with one goal in mind: to become a history professor. I dreamt of standing in front of an audience packed solid with adoring students, enthralling them with a masterful presence and a clear certitude of righteousness. My words and phrases would be thundering tours de force, a secular evangelical romp, weaving the intricate fibers of 5,000 years of human inheritance into a crisp 50-minute piece of oral acrobatics.

I fancied myself rushing pell-mell down Bascom Hill, class notes, like my long strands of coal black hair, madly flying in the wind; beautiful acolytes following behind me, retrieving from puddles and snow drifts my discourse for the day. I would overwhelm academia with research of such stunning contrarian insight textbooks would have to be rewritten each time I published my brilliant insights. The world would be at my feet, and I would no longer be addressed by my parents as “Hey You.”

The rest of the time I would kick back and play hearts in the Memorial Union , or drink brew at any one of the dozens of beer joints around the campus, while preparing my thoughts for the next day’s classes. Life would be so sweet I would develop a chronic sugar rush. Then I woke up and discovered it was a dream. I heard Harvey Goldberg throw down a lecture and realized the only part of my fantasy that would come true was the tossing of hearts at 2 AM and the drinking of slosh at the nearest pub. I also remembered my hair was brown.

Goldberg’s grasp of history was so prodigious and his mannerisms so entrancing that even the asbestos flecks that form the foundation of the Humanities Building refused to fall during his lectures. One could imagine Harvey rushing UP the Odessa Steps to confront the Czar's troops; leading the members of the Estates-General into the streets towards the Bastille; manning the Parisian barricades in 1870; taking that fateful bullet in 1914 that would claim the life of Jean Léon Jaurès.

For a quarter of a century, Goldberg's reed thin voice never faltered; he danced out his words from memory, a verbal misstep was as unheard of as a yawn from the audience. He spun rhetorical gold, his oratory soaring over the stellar landscape of the University of Wisconsin History Department, stimulating the standing room only crowds to ponder, if only shortly in their undergraduate lives, the march of the common man over that of common stocks.

Before lunch, we paraded the Parisian streets, rallying against the Bourbon dynasty and the Ancien Regime, an emotional cataclysm made comprehensible even though the names today are better known for flan than for flames. The lives of long dead and all but forgotten men and women crackled with high tension, for individuals, even the most seemingly insignificant, lead and bleed movements. An hour of a mystical Harvey harangue would have turned even the drones, clones and fem-bots at Fox News into the proleteriat, Googling and Mapquesting in search of the closest barricades to man.

My encounter with Professor Goldberg has already been journalized for embarrassing posterity. I have no qualifications to work up a Wikipedia entry for Harvey. My skills are limited to doing dishes once every three months and signaling when I turn right at a red light. I would hope that one of his grad students or a current professor who worked a PhD under the Master would think Harvey worthy of such an entry.

Who knows, perhaps in the future some kid looking for a plastic surgeon or a podiatrist or a brain specialist stumbles instead onto the Goldberg Wikipedia article and rummages around long enough to click onto the Harvey Goldberg Center link. This could lead a future scholar into a world where teaching became more than a dry syllabus full of irrelevant facts and unremembered figures.


Harvey Goldberg and George Mosse discussing Marxism and Fascism for all eternity at Forest Hill Cemetery.

Note: The above photographs were taken at my behest in 40 degrees below zero temperatures by one of Madison's top bloggers and the class historian of the late and much missed Madison Central High School. She had the wherewithal to e-mail me the pictures before wandering off into the snow drifts, muttering something about "Fugu for Foodies." She was last seen between the Conrad Elvehjem marker and that of John "Snowball" Riley. Only the spring thaw will give us the truth.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

A Little Bit of Wisconsin in Oz

As coroner, I must aver
I thoroughly examined her
And she's not only merely dead
She's really, most sincerely dead!
You know when you reach a certain age and there's no one to help locate your walker or find the pills necessary to make you pee straight (any bowl in the storm will do), and sleep is nigh impossible because the bedroom has been misplaced, a 2 AM viewing of "The Wizard of Oz" sets everything straight. Well mostly everything.

And when it comes time for the Munchkin coroner to warble the above Arlen-Harburg verse, I press pause and croak out On Wisconsin before resuming play; for as everyone knows, Meinhardt Raabe '37 is a University of Wisconsin alumnus.

As of this writing, Meinhardt is still with us at the age of 93, his longevity, no doubt, due to all the Oscar Mayer wieners he consumed while serving as the company's Little Oscar spokesperson for several decades.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Metaphors Are My Friends

Several weeks ago, we residents were given an early 2009 bonus: notification by a budgetary official in Sacramento that California could be in the "Brother Can You Spare A Dime", riding the rails category within two months.

The Golden State has now become so bankrupt the Pacific vacations elsewhere. We're so broke we can't afford a dust bowl. Times have become so tough the Grapes of Wrath are served at The Four Seasons as blue plate specials. Los Angeles is so depressed it no longer wants to waste time asking for an NFL team. Metaphors are so cheap, they're found littering the ground next to hopes, dreams, and aspirations.

Imagine an entire State "shutting shop and buggering the customers" as my Cockney mother might have said. A "For Sale" sign" hung out from San Diego to Crescent City. A whole world of 401K wounded, scuffling mindlessly along in their Jimmy Choos, Manolo Blahniks, Miu Miu, and Le Coq Sportifs, clogging up the I's, both 5 and 15. All glory bound elsewhere than here. Frederick Jackson Turner's 1893 monumental thesis of Westward Expansion comes in 2009 with reverse gears.

Our biggest concern is no longer who wins the Rose Bowl, but whether the float roses are edible over an unlit Coleman stove seasoned with dirt. Today's big question is one of practicality: Is it more viable to live over an underpass or under an overpass? The opening lyrics of Woody Guthrie's "This Land is Your Land" have now been changed to "This Land's Defaulting on You and Me."

We've been terminated, decimated, eradicated. So now it might be time to rethink our State Motto of "EUREKA" and maybe change it to "WTF."

The new year is starting off great. Poupon goes well with rock salt.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Some Nights Are Best Served with Cheese

My refrigerator before tonight's little adventure

It is late. I cannot sleep. The walls shake and the cupboards rattle. At any minute I expect blood to drip down from the ceiling. I am suddenly paying rent to live in The House on Haunted Hill, the classic 1959 William Castle version and not the gimmicky 1999 remake. The couple next door continues to celebrate their wedding night, though I swear they first met earlier today during an unfortunate fender bender that has now turned into another sort of bender, both ear piercing in lustfulness and downright objectionable in its intensity. The unusual sounds of squealing pot bellied pigs seeping outward from their apartment walls confuse me, for our units have a strict “No Pets” clause.

Faux Southern California earthquakes make me hungry for cheese. Wisconsin dairy products clog my arteries with abandon. I have a wide variety of brightly colored cheese packages lying around on the floor, thanks to spasmodic movements of my refrigerator. Many are from Brennans Cellars of New Glarus, Wisconsin. I have a friend in Madison who, throughout the year, sends me various cheese blends for she believes I have written her into my will. I have, but only for my eight tracks and early 1980’s Walkmans.

I’m a certifiable cheesehead, so I gobble my bacterial cultures raw from the package. If alfresco dining means eating on the floor with crackers found under chairs, the use of broken plastic knives with things walking on them, the carpet as a napkin, and a Hamm’s beer found from last weekend’s party, then I’m living a tailgater’s life. Thank goodness the Wi-Fi works so close to the litter box, or I wouldn't be able to write this post at all.

It appears tonight will go on forever. Damn the young and their silly endurance games! When I was their age, I spent my Saturday nights playing Guts behind the Big Red Gym with normal reprobates who went on to become lawyers and judges. Now that sweat-inducing activity took stamina! Today's kids have no inkling the difficulties of playing poker in blizzard conditions.

Tonight's edible delicacy is something called Pesto Jack. The wrapping says it can be wonderfully melted on baguettes. Baguettes! You must be joking. I don't eat French unless its fries or toast. The last time I ate something called a "fromage", I was arrested in Paris for brutalizing the language.

As I listen ever so closely to the hanging and banging next door, I offer Cheeseman: The Movie, a hard-hitting piece of cheddar from a very talented young American animator, Thomas Crook, living, I believe, in England and thus, far far away from this madding crowd.

,

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Tomie de Paola's Christmas Message

Every year for many years, I've received a Christmas card from Tomie de Paola. Anyone who has had the nerve to have small children over the last four decades is very familiar with the works of Tomie, especially the story of Strega Nona. He is one of this country's premiere children's book author/illustrators as well as a pretty cool guy.

This year the card arrived yesterday, no doubt first routed through New England by way of the Hindu Kush. However, the message on the back...PEACE...remains just as relevant in January as it would have December 24th.

This illustration is from the chapter "A Fairmount Avenue Christmas" in the book Christmas Remembered, written and illustrated by Tomie dePaola, published by G.P. Putnam's Sons.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Even I Saw Elvis



Today is Elvis' birthday so it gives me a legitimate excuse to disconnect my arthritic hips to the beat of "Viva Las Vegas", not surprisingly my all time favorite Presley song. In the early 1970s I led a quasi-debauched snake eyes existence, as all future television executives invariably do, and morphed in and out of Vegas more often than the New Jersey mob. The boy from Tupelo, Mississippi was still several years away from his morbidly fascinating appearance as the beached Hindenberg. I saw him six times in two years at the Hilton where he always gave a sweat filled, wild eyed, swivel-hipping, karate chopping, kick assing performance.

But when I truly want to reminisce about my life in Vegas during the 1970s, I close the windows, draw the blinds and relax with my fiber bars and warm milk and play ever so softly this rendition of "Viva Las Vegas.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Patience is a Virtue and Other Myths



I was thinking about this piece of animation while stuck in a "ripping my eyeballs out with a socket wrench" traffic snarl earlier today. I have no idea what caused the mess that turned the 405 into a personal steel cage match, but that's just one of the upsides of living the good life in Los Angeles.

The freeway problem did not involve road construction, fender benders, drive by shootings, earthquakes, mudslides, volcanic eruptions, or flash floods. It's like magic when this happens, but years of Boy Scout training prepared me for those times when the world moves slower than a statue. I always carry Tolstoy's War and Peace with me. I never know when a freeway slow down will force me to finish reading some of my high school assignments.

The woman in front of me was wailing away at her kids (well I hope they were hers). I found this quite disturbing, as she had one hand on a cup of coffee while the other was full of make-up paraphernalia. Women like this confound me, as I have no idea where they hide their third hand in normal situations. The guy to my left was making out with his passenger, reminding me that I had yet to see Milk. The driver of the semi, clinging so closely to my right side that I could smell his Old Spice, was kicking back and looking over a foldout map of Utah. The kid driving up my tail pipe was lost in a world of haze. Damn this younger generation for not having the 60's manners to share.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Marriage Advice for Today's Bridegroom

A friend of mine, whose wedding I attended sometime during the last century, now has a son who will soon walk briskly down the matrimonial aisle unless his bride wises up. For this young man's benefit I post the following two videos from the 1950s. His father took their educational component to heart. At least for his first two marriages.

Are You Ready For Marriage? Part I


Are You Ready For Marriage? Part II

Monday, January 5, 2009

Snurfy, Rest In Peace Old Buddy



I only knew you for the last of your nine lives, but any cat that would leap a distance of half a room to be my fur cap was alright with me.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Revolutionary Road Apples

Critics describe Richard Yates as a writer’s writer. No author ever wants to read those words in his or her own obit. That sobriquet is literary code for a tremendous talent dying ignored, unloved, and broke -- capillaries filled with more smoke and drink than could have been found at an unlimited martini lunch at Sardi’s during the 1950s. Authors fitting that description no longer have even their finest novels in print, making them believe in their last moments that their lives were filled with nothing more than well-diagrammed sentences.

Literary snobs scour the arcane articles of The New York Review of Books like archeologists in search of the ruins of Troy, searching for gems lost the day after their publication. Prizes of extra tea and scones at their literary salons are offered to the most "lostest" book found. Without The Review, literary snobs would spend their salon time grousing about spouses, tablecloth designs, and the Johnny Come Lately works offered up by television hosts.

Literary nabobs abhor Hollywood movies and Oprah tie-ins. Hollywood rarely gets a classic novel's nuances correct. Reprint editions have the movie stars on the cover rather than the original old cars or depression era farmers looking glummer than dirt. Reprints cheapen the dog-eared copies with wine-stained pages and bindings choked with ancient flecks of Crème Pâtissière owned by the literati. I am a literary snob; my books are wine-soaked and dessert-clogged. I'm not proud that my original editions can pass neither a breathalyzer test nor a heart stress exam.

I first stumbled down one of the latest of Hollywood's adaptations, Yates's Revolutionary Road, while attending a modern lit class at the University of Wisconsin. I still remember the reading list for that class. Along with Revolutionary Road, we were required to sift through John Barth’s Floating Opera, William Burroughs's Grove Press edition of Naked Lunch, Ralph Ellison’s Invisible Man, and Thomas Pynchon’s Crying of Lot 49. I felt really smart back then.

One beautiful spring afternoon, I threw Revolutionary Road at someone who was dressed as a policeman. It was during a demonstration against some third world slight, long since forgotten but, no doubt still quite important. Surprisingly, education at Wisconsin continued in between the tear gassing, the advances of the proletariat, the bad football seasons, and everyone’s favorite dance steps: jogging up and down Bascom Hill with the National Guard. Running from the bulls was a regular nationwide campus activity in the late 1960s, a slight variation of Pamplona's Running of the Bulls. Later that night, I went back to the scene of the misunderstanding and retrieved the novel, lying frontispiece wide open where I had written my name, home address, and telephone number, all necessary information for some to locate me should the text ever be left behind somewhere.

I would never have aced the class had I not had a girlfriend at the time reading the assignments and taking the exams for me. I have no idea what she saw in me, but I've lost it since then. At June graduation, she did give me all my books back and a cold Arctic blast to go with them. That's why I still have my copy of Revolutionary Road, though her extreme temperatures did cause some foxing around the edges.

I primarily go to films where the final act resolves itself through guns, knives, fists, and an occasional meteorite. But since Revolutionary Road is one of my favorite partially-read novels, I was curious to see what director Sam Mendes, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Sam's wife, Kate Winslet, would do with it after so many years of frustrating development.

I have been looking forward to the re-coupling of Jack and Rose ever since Jack went down with the Titanic, but was not surprised that it took so long for the two actors to make a second appearance together. It is possible to look at the movie Revolutionary Road as an unintended sequel of sorts, an extended time line of what might have happened to those iceberg lovebirds had Captain Smith kept awake during the Titanic’s maiden voyage. Add a generation or so to their ages, change the characters names from Jack and Rose to Frank and April Wheeler, and you end up with a perverse example of whom not to settle down with in 1950's Connecticut.

SPOILER ALERT:

Apparently Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet cannot appear together in a movie without one of them dying a gruesome death. Halfway through the screening, I began to wonder what their next screen pairing might be. He freezes to death in Titanic; she bleeds to death here. So, logically, their next roles would have them both dying horrible, prolonged deaths, perhaps as two Protestant lovers caught up in Paris during the St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre with James McAvoy playing Henry of Navarre, Keira Knightly as Marguerite de Valois, the ever versatile Meryl Streep as the vile Catherine de’Medici and Steve Coogan as the court jester, Yankel. By the time I thought of other casting possibilities (Vincent Cassel as the doomed Gaspard de Coligny), the movie was long over and I was being hassled to leave by the cleaning crew.

Once both of these fine actors find a suitable property that kills them off as the end credits role, I would hope to see them in an R-rated Judd Apatow sex farce, possibly a remake of Steamboat Round the Bend.

Leo as Will Rogers

Kate Winslet as Swamp Girl


Thursday, January 1, 2009

Nat Hentoff Disappears like Ebbets Field

I've followed the antics of the Village Voice for about 40 years because of the writings of Nat Hentoff. His columns introduced me to Jazz, the Civil Rights movement, the exhilerating night life of New York (which did me no good living in Madison), and a whole lot of heady stuff that prevented my brain from turning into a turnip. As he got older, some of his more conservative leanings towards abortion and the Iraq Invasion left me yawning for air, but his continued barbed-wire grasp of politics and civil libertarian issues, especially columns on America's fearful and dangerous rush to gut the Bill of Rights after 911 are de rigueur reading.

Now he's gone . . . no, not dead . . . but laid off from the Voice after about 50 years of copy. I know the paper has had financial difficulties over the last couple of years (like who hasn't), but heaving Hentoff off the masthead for some cheap up-and-comer (if the paper can even afford that) is like replacing the Louvre's Mona Lisa with my chicken scratchings. He still writes columns for other publications, but for me the Voice is no longer worth listening to.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Summing Up '08 So You Don't Have To



Too busy defrosting the gin, vodka, and Pringles for tomorrow night to come up with anything more clever than Uncle Jay.